So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
