Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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