Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
