matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Randomize
