Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
