I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
