im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
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