is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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