Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
it's great music for shaving your balls
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.