Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.

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(832): i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml. http://tfl.nu/k21j

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish

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(920): in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish http://tfl.nu/24oc

Replies (27) Good night (5515) Bad night (915)
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(337): View more from Louisiana

but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?

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(337): but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp? http://tfl.nu/p1my

Replies (28) Good night (1341) Bad night (5940)
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(281): View more from Texas

FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!

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(281): FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed! http://tfl.nu/axg9

Replies (16) Good night (1239) Bad night (5078)
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(212): View more from New York

Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!

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(212): Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?! http://tfl.nu/8o3k

Replies (18) Good night (1380) Bad night (4670)
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(906): View more from Michigan

he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor

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(906): he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor http://tfl.nu/agbs

Replies (4) Good night (3084) Bad night (1047)
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(865): View more from Tennessee

Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.

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(865): Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off. http://tfl.nu/a9zf

Replies (17) Good night (4258) Bad night (968)
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(619): View more from California

Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.

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(619): Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer. http://tfl.nu/flbo

Replies (17) Good night (2559) Bad night (1186)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?

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(203): Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high? http://tfl.nu/olxn

Replies (8) Good night (895) Bad night (2381)
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(415): View more from California

There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.

(415): View more from California

No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans

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(415): There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest. (415): No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans http://tfl.nu/liuw

Replies (13) Good night (4735) Bad night (1018)
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(301): View more from Maryland

Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES

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(301): Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES http://tfl.nu/onhh

Replies (5) Good night (988) Bad night (389)
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(860): View more from Connecticut

Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?

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(860): Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting? http://tfl.nu/r5ub

Replies (3) Good night (848) Bad night (368)
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(540): View more from Virginia

It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.

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(540): It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch. http://tfl.nu/7b1x

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(404): View more from Georgia

I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.

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(404): I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start. http://tfl.nu/1iy9

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(301): View more from Maryland

Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.

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(301): Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father. http://tfl.nu/2hng

Replies (3) Good night (840) Bad night (230)

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