I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
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She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.