Texts From Last Night

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  (914): View more from New York

  I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.

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  (914): I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever. http://tfl.nu/u669
  Replies (18) Good night (1213) Bad night (7519)
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  (585): View more from New York

  he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice

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  (585): he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice http://tfl.nu/25gk
  Replies (18) Good night (5953) Bad night (1704)
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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets

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  (413): How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets http://tfl.nu/sjge
  Replies (17) Good night (5043) Bad night (1703)
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  (636): View more from Missouri

  i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend

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  (636): i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend http://tfl.nu/jil2
  Replies (7) Good night (6380) Bad night (1013)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.

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  (954): his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here. http://tfl.nu/eop3
  Replies (3) Good night (1068) Bad night (1502)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.

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  (412): dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes. http://tfl.nu/34tx
  Replies (20) Good night (920) Bad night (2438)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish

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  (509): Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish http://tfl.nu/77ap
  Replies (11) Good night (2745) Bad night (1872)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.

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  (847): He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that. http://tfl.nu/228l
  Replies (3) Good night (595) Bad night (1097)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.

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  (778): He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him. http://tfl.nu/e3t2
  Replies (5) Good night (2006) Bad night (1034)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever

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  (412): There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever http://tfl.nu/r55b
  Replies (9) Good night (1370) Bad night (597)
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  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.

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  (780): When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend. http://tfl.nu/go1c
  Replies (3) Good night (928) Bad night (443)
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  (912): View more from Georgia

  Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.

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  (912): Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever. http://tfl.nu/pxkj
  Replies (5) Good night (1559) Bad night (399)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.

  (1-360): View more from Washington

  Bringing families together since 1987

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  (360): I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis. (1-360): Bringing families together since 1987 http://tfl.nu/o9ey
  Replies (2) Good night (612) Bad night (335)
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.

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  (706): I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons. http://tfl.nu/pd60
  Replies (4) Good night (958) Bad night (385)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.

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  (256): Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl. http://tfl.nu/7wpk
  Replies (6) Good night (548) Bad night (406)

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