You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
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Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
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Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now