I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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