Texts From Last Night

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  (415): View more from California

  Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.

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  (415): Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events. http://tfl.nu/5em3
  Replies (16) Good night (2324) Bad night (882)
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  (347): View more from New York

  I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot

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  (347): I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot http://tfl.nu/oi7m
  Replies (4) Good night (3484) Bad night (592)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it

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  (210): i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it http://tfl.nu/c88z
  Replies (26) Good night (3562) Bad night (947)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.

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  (513): you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that. http://tfl.nu/6e0s
  Replies (11) Good night (809) Bad night (4621)
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  (415): View more from California

  The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.

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  (415): The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight. http://tfl.nu/rmxq
  Replies (20) Good night (4151) Bad night (796)
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  (601): View more from Mississippi

  Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.

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  (601): Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate. http://tfl.nu/i871
  Replies (10) Good night (1223) Bad night (2885)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?

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  (412): in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila? http://tfl.nu/e4mt
  Replies (7) Good night (3481) Bad night (960)
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  (863): View more from Florida

  In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.

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  (863): In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something. http://tfl.nu/qu2f
  Replies (4) Good night (1700) Bad night (787)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?

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  (618): This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it? http://tfl.nu/yhoj
  Replies (9) Good night (1942) Bad night (928)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation

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  (406): I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation http://tfl.nu/qkc0
  Replies (6) Good night (1635) Bad night (1009)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home

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  (608): I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home http://tfl.nu/rt92
  Replies (6) Good night (1298) Bad night (693)
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  (787): View more from Puerto Rico

  I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work

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  (787): I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work http://tfl.nu/djbl
  Replies (1) Good night (713) Bad night (413)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.

  (1-616): View more from Michigan

  You sure know how to make a day worth living.

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  (616): i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed. (1-616): You sure know how to make a day worth living. http://tfl.nu/maop
  Replies (4) Good night (914) Bad night (420)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from

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  (864): I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from http://tfl.nu/mmap
  Replies (1) Good night (399) Bad night (598)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too

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  (205): You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too http://tfl.nu/0dl3
  Replies (5) Good night (688) Bad night (397)

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