Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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