how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.