I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
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I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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