I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
