The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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