Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Randomize
