The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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