I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
