Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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