Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
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