I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
We need to get me chipped asap
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
