wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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