there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
