i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
he's gonorrhea incarnate
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
