If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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