what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
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