That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
