The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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