so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
