It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
