I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He did a backflip because drugs
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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