I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
