I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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