We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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