why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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