Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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