one two three fourrrrnication!
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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