you turned your livingroom into a bong?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
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If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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