We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
