Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
