at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
