so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
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just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
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for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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