Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
