Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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