Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Drunk is not a location!
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
