birth control should be required to get into college
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
