if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
It's like God shit irony all over that family
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
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