Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
