she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
