Cold hands, warm shart.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
