Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
