i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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