Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
