He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
