forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
