I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
