I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
ttyl tear gas
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Randomize
