So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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