Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
