Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
