Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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