My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
