Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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