so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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