Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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