I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
