I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
