Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
