I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Randomize
