3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
