Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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