she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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