its not stalking. its research.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
