The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
