yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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