He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
