I'm laying in your front yard are you home
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
