Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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