Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
