i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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