Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Randomize
