I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
