Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
