So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
