mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
