I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
